Measuring Stick for this Christian Woman

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I've started and stopped many blog posts. It seemed that I had like 6 working ideas going at once. Almost daily, an idea or an inspiration was put upon me and I'd whip out my bible and and grab some passages to relate to what I wanted to share. HOWEVER, there was an unjustified pressure placed on me, by me, to somehow produce something that was worth reading, something that would encourage anyone who read it. I would be remiss if I didn't confess that on some level, my English Degree was coming out in me and that "THIRD EYE" was inhibiting me from just putting it out there and sharing. This is all very ironic to me considering the fact that my intent behind starting up my blog again was for the sole purpose to lift others up, by sharing how God was moving in my life! I've found that for me...when I'm authenticating my life in Christ, by sharing it with believers and non believers alike, my life has more impact when I'm sharing with the candor that MOST would attribute to me. Do I believe that God has gifted me with an ability to have insight and wisdom pertaining to life's happenings in a biblical way? Absolutely! However, I don't need to limit the Holy Spirit at work in my life and my circumstance by editing and over-editing to the point of not sharing! That's for certain!

SO...think of this post as the first post in a while that is getting back to MEL. I think it's safe to assume that most people who know me well, know that I'm a very open person, maybe even too open at times!!! :) Do I prize privacy? Yes, but not at the expense of biblical accountability through confession, through sharing and inviting others to speak into my life. I find that biblical transparency is almost always hindered in many believers by the fear of rejection, the fear of judgment, the prideful resistance to enabling correction through biblical truth into their lives. I so desire to use this gift of openness to invite others to participate in it as well! When we talk about FREEDOM in Christ, this is one means to experience the fullness of it. Am I limiting what it means to be transparent to only the "correction by sharing" aspect of fellowship? I'm not trying to, but let's be real...that's where disconnect often starts. When we're unwilling to open up and divulge the details of our struggles in life, we rob others we are in community with the ability to relate, to help, to fully support us in it. Conversely, it becomes difficult to share in the Joyful times, the times we should be celebrating! When we close ourselves up to constantly filtering the how, the when, the what if's, it's too easy to fall into the pattern of not disclosing or sharing altogether! What a shame that is. We short change the healing and connective power of biblical fellowship and then we miss out on the fullness, the richness of Christ's redemptive love in and through one another.

In a nutshell, what today's post purposes to accomplish, is to first remind myself to get back to the roots of who I am in Christ and how God has built me for his good works. Secondly, this serves to encourage YOU to take a step in faith by going out of your way to share who YOU are in Christ with others! Will you be misunderstood sometimes? Yes. Is there a cost? YES...your pride, your ego. But is it worth it???? YES YES YES...the fruit that comes from this continued experience is wonderfully sweet my friends!

Excerpt from TGIF

I thought this was a poignant place that every believer should take note of...ruminate over...and revisit OFTEN. May it bless you and encourage you!

Three Things
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
06-24-2008

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe" (Eph 1:18-19).

Paul's letter to the Ephesians exhorts believers to experience three important things in their spiritual lives that he experienced personally. As a good mentor, he desires those he is leading to follow his example.

First, God wants you to have the eyes of your heart enlightened in order to know the hope to which He has called you. God has called each of us to a future and a hope. Some do not ever realize the dreams they envision for their lives. Paul prays they will experience this.

Second, God wants you to know there is an inheritance for each believer in Jesus Christ. There are riches to be had - not financial riches - but spiritual riches that are laid up for every saint. As you are faithful to His calling in your life, there will be a reward for your faithfulness.

Third, God desires you to tap into the power that is available to every believer. Paul often exhorted believers not to look at his persuasive words, but the demonstration of the power of God in his life. He wants you to know this same power is available to you. After all, Jesus said we would do even greater works than He did after He sent the Holy Spirit to us.

Pray that God reveals the hope that exists inside of you, be encouraged that there is an inheritance awaiting you, and know that you have power that resides in you that awaits those who exercise their faith to release it.

Jesus is Alive...We are Made New!

May this make your spirit rejoice, the way it did mine. May the reminder of God's love for us through our Savior Jesus Christ ALWAYS move mountains in your heart...FOR HE IS ALIVE!

Collection of some of my Poems

Autobiography Poem

Half and Half, plus a whole…

Creates three quarters Korean and one quarter mystery…

A mystery that my father has chased.

A past seemingly erased.

Never quite accepted as Korean

Nor fully an American…

Because my eyes slant and I tower among the trees.

I am quite contrary, but no one wonders how my garden grows.

From Seoul to soul to the East coast I move about.

From the south up to the north, never in one spot

Long enough to feel settled.

As a result, I can never stay still for too long…

Knee jerk! I get antsy…

Even in love, I contemplate my ability to stay for long,

Because I stayed too long and it was poison.

Did I mention that I dropped my brother when he was just a month old?

Or that I used to sneak my sister out of her crib to sleep with me

In my big girl bed?

Do they remember what remains imprinted so warmly in the archives of my head?

I love to speak with food… Express with music.

My voice is never missed with my meatballs and sauce.

Molded with intent and with confidence I express my desires.

My desire to create a unique experience every time with food… with music…

I write my own songs and people are surprised by that.

Music runs through me… It runs me.

Even if I run from it, it finds me wherever I go. It settles me…

It is the only thing that settles me.

I see great things in my life, from Hawaii to Alaska…

From friendships long withstanding, to the mistakes I have made.

We’ve all been careless… I crashed my Toyota because I wasn’t paying attention…

Because I was on my CELLPHONE!

Yet with the rising of the sun comes a new day… A chance to set things right.

“The Fabulous Life of (fill in the blank)”

We are creatures of routine. Slumbering, snoozing…just one more minute. Coffee is my crack. I need it, it needs me, or so consumerism would have me believe.

Floss

Mouth wash

Creamer

Tooth brush

Toilet paper

I will run to Target for a mechanical toothbrush and I will most likely spend more than $30.00 for one. I will leave with T H I N G S I don’t need! Wasting my money, wasting the time I take to care for my autonomy. Of this I can stake my life on. These thoughts run through my head as I shampoo, rinse and repeat…consumerism. Sausage and eggs choke my nostrils and fill my belly before I start the daily grind.

Time for that titillating trip to Target where they will take my money and I will surrender it without hesitation. One hundred and sixty dollars for a toothbrush! It better sing, dance, clean and cook for that price. It better have diamonds on it. Diamond encrusted toothbrushes are a reality in this country. Extravagance is common place in America. Children go hungry and die because they have dysentery, while we pop Imodium and Pepto and maybe spend about 10 uncomfortable minutes on the toilet! People are dying in Africa because they can…VH1 shows me Diamond encrusted sneakers, Diamond encrusted Gameboys…They know that we buy into that crap! They encrust things with diamonds because they can. To Africa I will go to change my life and do something…anything for the wealthy people of the spirit. They may be deprived, but we are depraved. I am 15 pounds overweight while the woman in Zimbabwe once known as Rhodesia can barely keep her skin from falling off her bones. She has buried 2 of her babies…death becomes her…envelopes her.

Disneyworld uses over 1,500 pounds of gingerbread and 1,000 pounds of royal icing and another 1,000 pounds of chocolate to create a winter wonderland that promotes a holiday that we have commercialized…consumerism. Over-compensation for a loneliness that comes from selfishness and things that we can not take with us once we depart this life.

Go forth and be fortuitous with your heart. Be generous with your kindness and be responsible for humanity for it is humanity that sustains, renews…and revives us…

Imperfect Beauty through the looking glass

I see myself through the looking glass

My skin is pale and blemished.

Lines and crevices that reveal my time on this earth

like the rings of the trunk of an oak.

“Beauty is only skin deep,”

I say aloud…

I see that my flesh has been added onto,

smoothed like the clay that is glistening

with water on a potter’s wheel.

I shall never fret this because the alternate is unwomanly.

Besides, you can’t take it with you when you die.

I love the way my clavicle protrudes with prominence.

It is so pronounced, yet only few understand the subtleness

of this treasure of mine.

My eyes are tired, but they are beautiful.

They are beautiful because they have seen so much and

they never hide anything if you look deeply enough.

I see myself through the looking glass

And I see an imperfect beauty.

Man Down in the Outback
You never saw it coming.

The end I mean…

You set off to save the wildlife in your Cessna.

The wing busted mid-flight as you tracked Rhinoceroses.

You hit the ground and when you came to,

The entire weight of the plane had shattered every single bone in your legs.

As you lay in agony, the sun scorched your tongue,

slowly cooking you from the inside out.

Death crept into your legs.

It worked its way up your toes and through the marrow.

Your feet were swollen and you feared gangrene.

The least of your worries…

You endured the excruciating pain, for your will to live was strong.

The muscles in your leg took on a path of their own as they convulsed wildly.

Each wave sent the shattered bits of bone into the sinew.

It was the lactic acid, one of the body’s last lines of defenses.

Vultures hovered above you and you felt It’s shadow lingering around you.

Lionesses were lying in wait, Hyenas jostling the tall grass…

You managed to stave off your demise with the banging of metal,

scattering your predators into the outback.

Night fell and the odds continued against you.

There would be no rescuers at night.

You would die soon… you were sure of it.

As you shivered through the night, your eyes fought to remain open as you waited

for dusk…Any dusting of light as your sign that you had survived even the night.

The sounds you must have heard in your lucid state.

Then suddenly you fell asleep.

It was the most wonderful sleep you had ever experienced.

As your eyes fluttered awake, the pain in your legs was gone and you stood up and walked away from the plane crash amazed.

You began to run… fast…faster until your legs gave out and you began to fly away

Happy that you had survived.

Praise the Lord All the More!

It has been some time since my last post. It has been an interesting couple of weeks. It has been a tumultuous couple of weeks. Being of sounder mind, body and soul today as I have been recovering from a WICKED cold virus, I get a better sense of how to express what has felt like a roller coaster ride. The only semblance of peace that has been lent as I battle a debilitating cough, nasal congestion, body aches, sleep deprivation, seeming vertigo like imbalance and nausea...has been the Word of God.

I don't do "SICK" very well...not that anyone would boast in doing it well, but what I mean is that I don't reside well in my being when I get sick. I confess that I am that person who will stop taking calls, I won't initiate calls, I turn on the TV or put in movies and I tune out. THEN, paradoxically within that self induced isolation, I lament in my loneliness. I find myself wondering how I am valued or cared for by the presence or the lack of well wishes or calls I get for people expressing care for me. I take it hard...I pull in, I retract even further and Satan uses that place to try and discourage me further. It's not fun as you try and battle that. HOWEVER, the saving grace in this predicament always comes down to God's Promises and his never failing faithfulness to us...to me personally. It's a perilous road to go down, Self Pity. There is nothing helpful or beneficial in it. It has the potential to undue the fruits of God's love and provision that has been evidenced in the fellowship and relationships within the context of the body of Christ. Don't fall for it! Counterstrike the enemies attempt to yank you from the Fold of our Savior. He lies and he's good at it! I would exhort you to take your gaze and shift it up to the Cross. If nothing else, praise the Most High for his demonstration of "Agape" love...that's "Unconditional" love. Because we are in a fleeting world and from time to time our bodies will give out. And although our bodies will fail us, our God never does.

I have found considerable comfort and joy in the Psalms during this time. Particularly Psalms Chapters 16-34. It has nourished my soul with it's beauty. The beauty lying within the expressions of who God has been, who he promises to be and who God Always is !!!

* "O Lord my Rock"-Psalm 28:1

* "The Lord is my strength and my shield;my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in Song. the Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their Shepard forever."-Psalm28:7-9

* "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."-Psalms 16:11

* "I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom i take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies." Psalms 18:1-3.

Need I go on? How about one more! This is especially indicative of David's uncontrollable impulse to praise God amidst adversity.

* "The Lord Lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O Lord; I will sing praises to your name." Psalms 18:46-49.

SO...be encouraged to GIVE THANKS to the Lord, for he is good, his love Endureth Forever and Ever. May you always come to a place amid your trials and the dark times, to all the more express your love and faith in His Goodness!

What Sickness Can take out of you and what it can Add

The Last three days have been a haze...I haven't had a cold like this in a while. I would say that Today is the first time I've had enough energy to do anything beyond a few emails and a comment or two on Facebook...but not much more. Being sick for me is generally a very lonely time. I tend to take on attributes of being depressed when I'm this out of it. I haven't had the strength to put in a decent quiet time in 2 days. I feel like I'm out of the loop of life and I've had to cancel on a lot of people. Phew! Did I mention that I've been blowing my nose and coughing up my lung all the while? :) I say all this because it has worn on me spiritually. This blah feeling makes it difficult to feel excitement for the word, it makes is hard to want to spend time in extended prayer no less. It was actually really scary to wake up yesterday and choose to keep rolling over to block out the world and all the decisions I have to make. I was feeling let down by my own switch in mood. The "High" of the NA Conference was definitely worn off yesterday. What did my circumstance require? My first impulse was to thank the Lord for not abandoning me, for not thinking less of me and for not loving me any less for my futile attempt to stay engaged with him. I just asked him to protect me from the enemies ploys in trying to talk trash! I know he was trying to! Today was a better day. I was able to put in some tunes from the Lu CD "Look Upon" from N.A. the worship songs helped to get my heart attuned to what I need most...which is Christ! "Hallelujah, All I need is Christ...Hallelujah...Jesus is my life." That was a befitting encouragement and exhortation! If the Lord is good even when I'm laid out...if his sovereignty and his grace for me comes no thanks to any feelings I am having or not...than GOOD has come out of this time. I praise God for his faithfulness and I bow my head in reverence for his capacity to love unabashedly and whenever I'm tempted to think otherwise...I'll remember the Cross on Calvary, where my Precious Savior Hung.