The past couple of days have been challenging...rough actually. The awareness and the reality of my life here has taken hold and there are truly moments when the loneliness is palpable. I knew this was to be expected, I prayed over it as I thought about what the process of making friends looked like and what type of community I was going to step into. I also prayed over the ebb and flow that comes in the balancing act of managing a busy schedule. I did all these things knowing that inevitably these were areas that could possibly be a source of discouragement for me. Orientation and the first week of classes bombarded us with activity, serving as the impetus for connecting and getting to know people. That has been a wonderful experience...a blessed experience. I've visited some churches and attended some services and it's too early to tell where I'll land. I just keep entrusting that to the Lord to make it known to me. I trust in that implicitly.
Here's the thing, with classes already underway and routines being established, autonomy beckons. That's not a bad thing necessarily, but it opens the possibility of allowing for navel gazing. It's seems impossible to think that any of the connections made during the past week of Seminary Bootcamp, implies immediately established or sustaining intimacy, or to think that trust is guaranteed both on the giving end and the receiving end. To those who know me and know me well, I'm a person who can establish a rapport in a social setting. I do that pretty well. However, being the deeply relational person that I am (after all, I am made in the Likeness of God and He is indeed a relational God)I long to be understood, I long to be truly valued in the communal sense and through friendship. I long to do and be those very things as well. I know that it takes time, so I continually remind myself of that.
During Chapel last week, the preacher spoke about the dangers of putting people in a box. It's a dangerous thing to make snap judgements, it's a harmful thing to make comments based on one's perception of another (GOSSIP!). He warned that when we do this, we effectively contribute to the tearing away at or the hampering of the very Body of Christ. I was so encouraged by that message. It's a good reminder especially in light of a new school year beginning, new faculty and staff, new students, established students alike...we are all in a very real context for this truth to apply itself. It's human nature for us to label people. We do it to draw a big picture for ourselves...a picture that tells us how we relate to one another,all the while trying to discern where our own place exists on that landscape. It can serve an immediate purpose of putting a name to a face and a snap context...especially when you are learning 60-75 names, can be helpful! But the call to move beyond that is necessary. Just as quickly as we build up that structure or picture in our minds, we have to work just as diligently and intentionally to tear away at the layers. We must do this in order to get to the very heart, the very core of one another. We all have a story that lends itself to why we are who we are. Yet despite that, because of the certainty in the part of our identity that calls us sons and daughters of Christ Jesus, we have a jumping off point! I praise the Lord for that! That right there is comforting to me amid this process.
I hold fast to the love and faithfulness of our Father through our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for the whisperings of the Holy Spirit as He guides me, invites me to trust in Him and to be still before God. I do this knowing that there is no trial, no suffering greater than the suffering our Savior faced when He was abandoned and left violently alone to face the wrath of God for OUR sins. He did this so that we could know more thoroughly God's love for us. And in that love I can know with certainty that God's Grace is indeed sufficient!
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Father, I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ that have stepped out in an act of obedient faith to follow you to this place of refining. We know that in your Sovereignty and in your Kingdom, we have a place. May we rest in that and allow peace to reside in us as we seek after you more deeply in study so that we could be more effective for your Kingdom work. Most of all I pray that in all that we do, it would be for YOUR Glory sake. May your very words stay close to our hearts and may your words be ever sweet to our weary bodies, thirsty spirits and our lonely hearts. May we find refuge in your unwavering faithfulness to us and may we cherish more and more the sufficiency of your Amazing Grace!
In the Name of Jesus we pray...Amen.
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